“And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.”
— Douglas Coupland

Life is full of maybe's.

I can't decide whose fault it is really. Maybe it's mine for being overly lonely and therefore too needy. Or maybe it's his for stringing me along. I often wonder what his true intentions are with me but more often than not I try to push aside the fact that I think he is using me. There are days when i am sure of it actually.
So why then do I still hold out hope that him and I will work out? Why do I let the way he talks to me and treats me get me SO SO very down? And why, after all he has said to me am I still talking to him? I don't know. Maybe I see something in him. Maybe I see that he is just as scared as me, if not more so of being hurt. Or maybe I really just don't want to be alone and he is the closest thing i have to changing that.

“Did you ever walk through a room that’s packed with people, and feel so lonely you can hardly take the next step?”
— Jodi Picoult (Second Glance)

I guess I could blame it on being that time of the month but it seems like this feeling creeps up on me just way too often. I am so desperately lonely, depressed and sad I want to hide away for a week and hope when I step outside again that my life is completely different.

Maybe I should call in sick for work tomorrow....