A little thing called sadness.

There I go, feeling like an ass again. He tries so hard to talk through things when something is on my mind but I can't talk, not really. I can't speak unless I am being completely honest and yet being completely honest in this situation won't do anything but make both of us upset.
I have dated a few men before him and a few after and despite his short temper, stubbornness in getting a stable job and the fact that he is a new dad....I just can't fill up that hole in my heart that's there when he isn't. As he pointed out, we haven't been together or hung out for two years now. Two years?! I swear it was just last month. I feel like an ass for being jealous of his situation after hearing how bad his situation really is. I want nothing but to be a mom someday and in some sick way wish that I was the one he knocked up and not her. Partially just because of how badly I want to be a mom and partially because I know he would be a great dad and I can't stand how little involvement his babies mom let's him have. I want to say I would never be that way but then again one never knows unless they are in the situation. My older sister is a single mom so I somewhat understand why she is doing things the way she is. A mom has to protect her baby no matter how hard it is.
I just don't know how to love him the way he wants me to and it bothers me so very much. I don't know how to say the things he wants me to say to make him feel better. Infact, I seem to be saying everything I can to make him feel worse. That will never be my intent but it keeps being the outcome of each of our conversations.
Dear God-please speak to my heart. Tell me how I am supposed to handle this. Tell me how I am supposed to love him.