Scared.

It's not the falling into love that I am afraid of, it's the falling out of it that stops me in my tracks.
And when I hear people like my cousin talk about her marriage, part of me thinks that I am the lucky one for not being married yet....just part of me.
She is only 2 days older than me and has been married for almost 7 years now. Hearing her talk about her husband, you would swear they were already divorced. I am sure they will be someday. We got onto the subject of him when he texted her midway through our shopping day to tell her to hurry back to the hotel because he was horny and his sister said she would watch the kids. That led into me hearing all about how she hates sex and just drops her pants from time to time to let him fuck her. There hasn't been any romance for years and the sex itself lasts maybe a minute or two. And that was just the beginning of a long talk about how lucky I was to be single, not have kids and not be tied down to anything.....she said she envied my life....weird.
I love the idea of falling head over heals in love someday but I worry so much about the falling out of love that it stops me from ever really letting love find me. I don't want to be like my cousin and hate sex someday. I want to feel that same excitement that you do the first time over and over and over again throughout the years with my forever. I want to wake up in twenty years and love him more than the day I married him. I want to bear his children and have the perfect yet modest home with the dog, working husband and SUV.
I want to love without being scared.