Dream a little nightmare.

I had the weirdest dream last night. In my dream I had a little baby boy and he was only about 4 months old. For some reason I had to work 50 hours a week and was a single mom so I wasn't able to really be with him. My best friend of almost 30 years took care of my little boy for me and was so good to him. However, she also breastfed him, etc. After a while I didn't feel like his mommy anymore and she almost acted as if she was his mom. Her and her husband talked about how they were going to try for their second child in a year and that about sent me over the edge because they didn't have a first child. They were calling my kid their own. In the dream I was losing my son and I felt helpless and couldn't do anything about it because I HAD to work to survive. I sat bawling after watching her breastfeed my son and that's when I woke up from the dream.

First off, my best friend would never do something like that in real life and second, I would find a way to make sure I was with him as much as possible.

I suppose the dream was just sparked by me feeling like I am missing out on so much in life because of my career. Every day I sit in that office and wonder why I am devoting my life to a job. I want to be married, be a mommy and take photos to help bring in money for my family. But, I want a family! I am 30 years old and so far from it I could barf. My grandma tells me she prays for me to find the right one night after night. Perhaps I need to start praying for it myself rather then dreaming about it at night.

I keep waiting for my life to start but it's not going to start on it's own. I need to do something!