Don't make any resolutions.
Every year people set themselves up for disappointment by setting resolutions they will never or can't keep for any real amount of time. Then a few months down the road when they break their resolutions, they get all down on themselves. Which is why I resolve to not set resolutions at all.
The End.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Forcing happiness
For some reason I am in a horrible, crabby, non festive mood today. I am pretty sure I could sit here and complain for hours about all the reasons that I feel crabby today but instead I have decided to FORCE myself to think of all the things that are really great in my life. Here are a few from the list.
1. I have my family. Nothing compares to family.
2. I have tons of friends spread all across the US. If I close my eyes I can think of each one and all the special memories we have made together. They are the most devoted group of friends I could ask for.
3.Photography-it makes my pulse beat a bit faster and my mind go crazy with ideas.
4. I have been given the chance to love and be loved in return by a few men in my lifetime so far. Each man was special and changed me in one way or another. Some men were around long enough to serve a purpose and some will forever be a part of my heart.
5. I get to see a lot of my family this week. There are people coming from Iowa, Colorado and Texas.
6. The entire weekend was spent with wonderful friends. We danced, laughed, sang, partied and talked.
7. I have the ability to go wherever I want in life. Whenever I want to.
8. I am thankful for the daily hugs from dear friends. For anyone who knows me...I am a cuddler. :)
9. I am excited that one day I will get to fall madly in love with someone and some day I will be going through the honeymoon stage of a relationship while my friends are just old married couples. haha
10. I am thankful that I believe in God and know that no matter how rough, scary, depressing or awful life seems at times....God will make sure it all works out the way it's meant to.
1. I have my family. Nothing compares to family.
2. I have tons of friends spread all across the US. If I close my eyes I can think of each one and all the special memories we have made together. They are the most devoted group of friends I could ask for.
3.Photography-it makes my pulse beat a bit faster and my mind go crazy with ideas.
4. I have been given the chance to love and be loved in return by a few men in my lifetime so far. Each man was special and changed me in one way or another. Some men were around long enough to serve a purpose and some will forever be a part of my heart.
5. I get to see a lot of my family this week. There are people coming from Iowa, Colorado and Texas.
6. The entire weekend was spent with wonderful friends. We danced, laughed, sang, partied and talked.
7. I have the ability to go wherever I want in life. Whenever I want to.
8. I am thankful for the daily hugs from dear friends. For anyone who knows me...I am a cuddler. :)
9. I am excited that one day I will get to fall madly in love with someone and some day I will be going through the honeymoon stage of a relationship while my friends are just old married couples. haha
10. I am thankful that I believe in God and know that no matter how rough, scary, depressing or awful life seems at times....God will make sure it all works out the way it's meant to.
No News is Good News
Each artist throws themselves into their work in some way or another. The same is true for my friend/ex boyfriend, Jed. Last night I went to go see his new improv show called "No News is Good News". There were several things that just made me smile or laugh because it wasn't just a funny line in a show...it was Jed. Then there were those things, such as becoming a new father, that were a bit uncomfortable for me but that too was something Jed is going through in his life right now. I just wish I wasn't the one that had to ask the actor the question "How has finding out your becoming a father changed your life?"....oy...really. You just HAD to have ME read that question out loud. Thanks.
I was pleasantly surprised at the skit involving a puppet! I think they had made the puppet they used and Jed was the talent behind the puppet's character. Not only was it really funny and the puppet was cute but I loved it because it was a true Jed thing, he LOVES the Muppets by Jim Henson. He loves them so much his characters name in this play was Luke Henson. :) I kinda want my own private puppet show now. haha.
All in all it was a good night and I really enjoyed the show as did the friend I brought with me. I was so very proud of Jed for writing and directing such an awesome show that I couldn't stop smiling. I just wish at the end I could have given him a huge hug and kiss but I suppose a smile and a "good show" will have to be enough.
I was pleasantly surprised at the skit involving a puppet! I think they had made the puppet they used and Jed was the talent behind the puppet's character. Not only was it really funny and the puppet was cute but I loved it because it was a true Jed thing, he LOVES the Muppets by Jim Henson. He loves them so much his characters name in this play was Luke Henson. :) I kinda want my own private puppet show now. haha.
All in all it was a good night and I really enjoyed the show as did the friend I brought with me. I was so very proud of Jed for writing and directing such an awesome show that I couldn't stop smiling. I just wish at the end I could have given him a huge hug and kiss but I suppose a smile and a "good show" will have to be enough.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Twenty four 5
A while back I wrote a blog entry about how life would be good if I could just be happy 24 hours a day, five days a week. I figured that wasn't too much to ask for being I was giving myself two days off to just be sad, crabby, pissed off or just plain down. For some reason the phrase "twenty four 5" has kind of stuck in my head. I keep thinking about how fun it might be to start a new blog in which I take 5 photos a day, 5 days a week. The subject of my photos wouldn't always be amazing or award winning shots but the idea would be to constantly make sure I am working on improving my photography skills.
Now, do I have the time or the patience to start something like that.....
Now, do I have the time or the patience to start something like that.....
Some may say I am a dreamer
I have always had big dreams and impossible wishes. Always wanting the things I can't or don't currently have. Never really happy with what I do have in my life, I am forever searching for the day, moment, thing or person that will make me feel content with my life. It seems impossible, it just very might be that I will always be someone who is never really content or happy with anything for too long. I don't necessarily see this as a bad thing, maybe one day my inability to be "content" will be what gives me the edge in my career. Or maybe it will push me into a completely different career that ends up being my happily ever after....career wise that is.
There are days when I stop to really soak in everything around me and I honestly think about how lucky I really am. Then there are days when I curl up under my covers in bed and just cry. I can't even really explain why I cry sometimes. There is just this feeling that something is missing or that I am missing out on something or someone.
A good friend of mine narrowly escaped death about a year ago. She was one of the passengers that went down in the Hudson River plane crash. Before that crash she was a typical workaholic. Staying at the office until midnight or later, sometimes not sleeping at all because there was just too much work to get done. So stressed out and overworked that all it took was looking at her to make her burst into tears. And now a year after that horrible day where she almost lost her life....she is finally LIVING. She works no later then 6pm, she travels alot and is actually currently on a 10 day cruise of the carribean. And at 31 years old she finally let love in. She got to know and has now fallen in love with a man that was also on that flight while at a survivors get together a few months after the incident. During one interview, Laura's boyfriend was quoted saying
There are days when I stop to really soak in everything around me and I honestly think about how lucky I really am. Then there are days when I curl up under my covers in bed and just cry. I can't even really explain why I cry sometimes. There is just this feeling that something is missing or that I am missing out on something or someone.
A good friend of mine narrowly escaped death about a year ago. She was one of the passengers that went down in the Hudson River plane crash. Before that crash she was a typical workaholic. Staying at the office until midnight or later, sometimes not sleeping at all because there was just too much work to get done. So stressed out and overworked that all it took was looking at her to make her burst into tears. And now a year after that horrible day where she almost lost her life....she is finally LIVING. She works no later then 6pm, she travels alot and is actually currently on a 10 day cruise of the carribean. And at 31 years old she finally let love in. She got to know and has now fallen in love with a man that was also on that flight while at a survivors get together a few months after the incident. During one interview, Laura's boyfriend was quoted saying
"We've lived, laughed, danced and loved like two people who know tomorrow isn't guaranteed."
Why is it that a near death experience is what it takes for a person to decide to wake up and actually enjoy your life a bit? I read that quote at least once a day now and it just helps me realize that I need to stop worrying so much over tomorrow or one, ten or twenty years from now because it's robbing me of today and today could just be the day that I find my passion in life or fall in love with my soulmate. Today might be the day....it just might.Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Purpose
Find your purpose and fling your life out to it. Find a way or make one. Try with all your might. Self made or never made.
~Marden
~Marden
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Today I wonder....
...what would happen if I really did just jump into the world of photography full fledge, leaving my job behind and therefor my steady income?
...if I will ever experience the feeling of tiny feet kicking my tummy from the inside.
...which ones will always be in my life and which are just serving a temporary purpose?
...are 'they' thinking of firing me or do they still think I walk on water?
...do I really care?
...if I will ever experience the feeling of tiny feet kicking my tummy from the inside.
...which ones will always be in my life and which are just serving a temporary purpose?
...are 'they' thinking of firing me or do they still think I walk on water?
...do I really care?
A long time ago....
In the middle of cleaning I stumbled across some old papers filled with things I wrote. Below are a few....
It happens in an instant. Call it an epihany, call it whatever you want. But all of a sudden everything makes sense and yet you have never been more confused in your life. How is it possible to not believe in fate while knowing all along that fate is the thing that brought you to this point, to this man. For the first time in your life instead of feeling empty you feel as if your heart is going to beat out of your chest and more urgently your heart is going to crumble if you don't get to spend the rest of your life staring into his eyes. While you search for the perfect words to tell him exactly how he had transformed your life, how he has flipped your world upside down, how without even knowing it he has captured your heart...you can't even manage to get the three little words out that would let him know just how you feel, just three words that would sum up everything you have been feeling for the past year. So, instead of taking the chance that he feels the same way and allowing yourself to experience a love you though wasn't even possible. You whisper to yourself everytime you see him or hear his name, you complete me, you complete me and without you I am empty.
******
I sit here where the world cannot find me, I sit here alone in the quite darkness. For one brief moment I am at peace, pearched up here in my quite little spot. I have not exactly escaped the mad pace of the world around me. I am just watching for a moment wondering what I have to offer this world or maybe the bigger question is...what does this world have to offer me?
******
Too many tears, not enough smiles. Too many worries, not enough fun. Too many dreams, too much reality. It's said that when life throws you a punch you fight back. What happens when you are sick of fighting?
It happens in an instant. Call it an epihany, call it whatever you want. But all of a sudden everything makes sense and yet you have never been more confused in your life. How is it possible to not believe in fate while knowing all along that fate is the thing that brought you to this point, to this man. For the first time in your life instead of feeling empty you feel as if your heart is going to beat out of your chest and more urgently your heart is going to crumble if you don't get to spend the rest of your life staring into his eyes. While you search for the perfect words to tell him exactly how he had transformed your life, how he has flipped your world upside down, how without even knowing it he has captured your heart...you can't even manage to get the three little words out that would let him know just how you feel, just three words that would sum up everything you have been feeling for the past year. So, instead of taking the chance that he feels the same way and allowing yourself to experience a love you though wasn't even possible. You whisper to yourself everytime you see him or hear his name, you complete me, you complete me and without you I am empty.
******
I sit here where the world cannot find me, I sit here alone in the quite darkness. For one brief moment I am at peace, pearched up here in my quite little spot. I have not exactly escaped the mad pace of the world around me. I am just watching for a moment wondering what I have to offer this world or maybe the bigger question is...what does this world have to offer me?
******
Too many tears, not enough smiles. Too many worries, not enough fun. Too many dreams, too much reality. It's said that when life throws you a punch you fight back. What happens when you are sick of fighting?
Monday, November 9, 2009
Corporate Bullshit
I know it may seem silly to say I am 30 years old and I am still waiting for my life to begin, but it's true. I am. I have good streaks where I think everything is going really well and I can live with things being good enough. Then I have days like today where I just wish I could walk away from everything and start all over again. I would do some things so differently if I could. I would make different choices and oh.....well there is no use going into all I would change if I could. The reality is I can. I just choose to take the responsible path. The path that will ensure I pay all my bills on time.
Today though....today I wanted to get up, walk out and tell them to fuck themselves on the way out. By them I mean upper management at work. When it comes down to it, I work for a company who doesn't give a shit about their employees and when times are rough they all look out for themselves. I never knew that type of attitude until I worked for them. I came from a job where everyone was family and you just didn't try to throw someone else under the bus. Times change I guess.
Today though....today I wanted to get up, walk out and tell them to fuck themselves on the way out. By them I mean upper management at work. When it comes down to it, I work for a company who doesn't give a shit about their employees and when times are rough they all look out for themselves. I never knew that type of attitude until I worked for them. I came from a job where everyone was family and you just didn't try to throw someone else under the bus. Times change I guess.
New Beginnings
I decided it was time to start a personal blog where I could write about anything and everything. Someplace to just get it all out and let it all go and also a place to share some things that inspire or move me. A place that holds no judgement and more importantly a place that can't talk shit back. haha....here begins my blogging journey.
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